Just kidding!

Okay for real I am MIA, my sisters are in town and we have our big SHUMWAY reunion this week and I staying in Denver for a few days next week then my brother and his 6 kids are coming to visit next week so I thought I would be a bit busy. Oh and YES I AM BUSY I just thought I would take a moment for something.

So tonight was the first time I lost it publicly. I mean really like had a panic attack in public with lots of people around me who know me. It was so very embarrassing for me. I wish so bad I could go back 2 hours and just get a hold of myself but truly I could not.

As I have contemplated why I lost my marbles and the flood gates were open for all to hear and see I wonder why it had to happen? I REALLY hate crying in public. LIKE HATE IT WITH A PASSION.

I think it is a combination of things PLUS somebody very PUBLICLY said he was praying for all the soldiers who were away from their families as he looked directly at me. (He is very aware of our situation and I guess I was so taken back by his sweet sincere comment that it was the straw the broke the camels back)

I haven't heard from Troy in 24 hours. I HATE not hearing from him. Your mind starts to wonder and your heart starts hurting worse and worse every minute that goes by. Okay I know 24 hours doesn't seem like a long time but for somebody who only has tower duty twice a day with no other missions that is a BIG deal. Not to mention he is really struggling right now. He wants to be done, he wants to be home, he is tired of missing everything (Hinckleys first day of school I think by far will be the hardest thing for him to miss), its flipping HOT there 115 degrees, and a million other reasons. Anyway, so after a super emotional moment in public in front of people I know I can't help but miss my best friend. He truly is my bestest friend in the WHOLE WORLD!

Can't wait for him to mow the lawn... wait we wont have a lawn... Maybe pull weeds? (the guy who put the seeds down kept telling us to let the lawn grow out a bit, maybe we let it grow a little too much? PLUS You can see Hinks helping him push the lawn mower)

Can't wait to have my solider home!
Love when he dips me and kisses me! Totally miss his brain head too
I miss seeing him be a big brother
Oh yes LOVE THE DIPPING!
Can't wait to go the temple again
LOVE THIS PIC OF HIM.
Can't wait to have a shaving cream fight with him again and I will win just like last three times
Maybe we will go on a getaway trip like we did to Yellowstone
Can't wait to carve pumpkins this year!
Can't wait to dress up all pretty and go to the military ball or even just to church!
Can't wait to hang up our stockings for Christmas
Love watching him teach our kids about the Gospel
Can't wait to go to Sea World again...
So miss that little fanny pack he loves to wear!

I miss when he would come home with flowers just because! (PS the day before this picture was taken I found out I was pregnant with baby Chandler!)
Can't wait to dye Easter Eggs!
Can't wait to burn his birthday dinner like I do every year!
I can NOT wait for my boys to all fall asleep together even if its on a car bed that is way too small
Cant wait to find a place where we can feed the ducks
Gotta miss going out for ice-cream
I think the thing I am most excited for is for Chandler and Daddy to really start a connection again
Can't wait for our road trips and I can look back and see this again.

So anyway, there you have it. I love Troy. I miss him. I have small moments in time when I have break downs mostly late at night and when i am by myself. And its odd because sometimes I dont even know one is coming on and it just hits me like it did today!