Channeling my anger

The last 2 weeks I have noticed that I have this attitude problem. Actually its more anger. It's anger I have never had before... Well, thats not entirely true its anger like this post

http://thecarterfamdamily.blogspot.com/2009/09/pregnantannoyed.html

It really truly feel like it is because I am so frustrated with Troy being gone. I have been pretty optimistic through this whole thing and I think I am coming to the point that I am just done. I would venture to say that those I talk with or see on a regular basis would say I have don't complain much about Troy being gone and I am try to stay positive. Well, thats all out the window. So if you ask me how I am doing, I might just give you the truth!

I feel like everywhere I turn I get mad or frustrated at people. I normally love being around friends and meeting new people. Now I just want to be alone. I love looking forward to things or events and now all I say in my head "well its not Troy coming home."

I know... I know... Its almost like I am stuck in the mud and I have no desire to get out. I guess in a sense I am depressed. I honestly thought this would happen actually a lot sooner then it did. So here is the big question... How do I get out? People say oh you have gone so long it's just a big longer. But it is forever. I mean the last 2 months since he has left have been so long and so slow. I dont know if I can do it another 4 months.

I do know something that will help me a lot. I just have to jump back on the band wagon.

Anyway SO WARNING! If I am edgy when you talk to me, or I seem like I am in a bad mood, please dont take it personally... Hopefully I dont offend too many people before I get outta this funk!

Dear Deployment...

Dear Deployment,

I hate your stinkin' guts. You make me vomit. You're the scum between my toes.

Love,

Bethany

Back to Memorial Weekend!

So on Memorial Day weekend we had some fun and of course I didn't have my camera so I tried to take a few pictures with my phone. And of COURSE I can't get my computer to recognize my phone. URGH. Anybody have an iphone they want to give me for my droid?! I had to email myself the pictures then download them. PAIN in the butt.

We went to this place called Tinkertown. Its kind of a funny little place. You should google it.

WELCOME to TINKERTOWN

You could leave a message in a bottle
The other side of the bottles
We left a few
You put a coin in and the old thing played!
We also went on the chair lift up Sandia Peak. It was fantastic. It was a bit cold. And we lost one of Chandlers shoes. And of course it wasn't the cheap croc's it was the expensive see kai run shoes. Oh well. Such is life! We ate some yummy homemade soup afterwards in the lodge and enjoyed the scenery.

On our way up

Hinks, Grandpa and Chandler too
We got donuts at the top in a vending machine. See the white powder on his face?!
The view from the top!

Another view

We have dirt!

I drove by our lot today for kicks and giggles and to my surprise I saw this on the lot!

Yes! We have dirt piles! yes for dirt piles!

Oh and I just have to mention because somebody asked if my parents were financially fronting the bill for this house. NO! Absolutely NOT! We are doing this all on our own. If you don't believe me thats fine but when I write out our first mortgage check I will make sure to blog about it. My parents have been more then generous to us while we have lived with them (rent free, food free) and they have definitely given us the opportunity to get out of debt but it is because our decision to get out of debt is why we are in the shoes we are in today. Just wanted to make that clear

A house can become a Home with love

Well, we have plunged.... We have decided to build a home in Los Lunas, New Mexico. After looking at about a million homes and realizing that most people are upside down on their loans I realized our only option was to build. It was cheaper and we could get what we wanted. I kept getting so frustrated looking at homes. Nothing felt right. NOTHING. Last Tuesday we went to look at homes that are being built in Huning Ranch. We were pleasantly surprised at the prices. So we walked through a few homes and went home to think about it. Wednesday I started my big babysitting gig (see post below) and so I didn't get a chance to look at the homes again until Friday morning when I had the night babysitter stay longer. Still after 3 hours I was not convinced of any of the homes or models or floor plans. So we decided to drive 1 hour north on saturday (again the night babysitter stayed) so I could look at more floor plans and models. It was just what I needed to make my decision. I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the house we are getting into. I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! There are a few things I would love to open up a bit and make it a bit bigger... But it is going to be so great for our family.

You can look at the floor plan

http://www.centex.com/communities/nm/los-lunas/trailside-at-huning-ranch/index.aspx

It is the stargazer. The base line price really is the base line price. If you want lights in the bedroom its extra, if you want an island in the kitchen its extra, you get the idea right? So our final price is a lot higher then this! BUT its so gonna be worth it! I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!

This is a view of our lot

This block wall behind our house I love because the backyard neighbors are hardly seen.
Lot view to the south.
Lot view
Oh yes another lot view and my dad
See how high that block wall is?! I hope you can see Chandlers face. Its priceless
Oh and its the nice decorative block wall
view if we look out the front of our house. LL hill
I loved this lot because there is not another driveway in front of us. Just the mailboxes
This is the exact house we are building except our garage will be on the left. We are paying extra for the double arches in the front. It is called elevation B
See elevation B

Busy as a bumblebee

I know I have been MIA lately. There is good reason though.... Really... I have been so incredibly busy! Last week I babysat 6 extra kids... Yes that means there was 9 of us partying it up a week ago. We really had a good time. No pictures though sorry, I dont have permission to pick pictures up of them. Then this week I babysat 4 extra kids all under the age of 5! Yes there was 6 kids all 4 and UNDER! IT WAS NUTSO, CRAZY! CRAZY! But it has been good to be busy. I just have lacked in other areas.

Hinckley started swim lessons this week too. Sometimes I struggle putting him in swim lesson because he is always ahead of everybody else in the class. But he enjoys it I think.

Love this pic!
He started off on the little diving board but graduated to the bigger one next!
No fear!

I have been wanting to post this rant about something for almost a week now. Something happened a week ago close to where Troy is located (he wouldn't tell me how close but he did rub shoulders with some of the guys who were killed)... Something HORRIBLE... Something TRAGIC. 5 count them 5 USA military members were killed in Iraq. I was at karate with Hinckley when my dad called me. My dad RARELY calls me. So I picked it up and the first words out of his mouth were, "Have you heard from Troy today." I had received in an email earlier in the day so I said yes. He then said, "Good because 5 military members were killed today in Baghdad." My heart sank. For a split second I looked in on my sweet and precious little boy doing something he loves and wonder if I would have to tell him his daddy did not make it home. Then I had a reassuring feeling that Troy was alright. But my heart still hurt. Thinking about those 5 families who would be receiving that dreaded, eerie knock on the door and the news that tragedy had happen and that their loved one had died a hero.

I was anxious to get home to see what the news was reporting. To my surprise I saw a 15 second segment on the National nightly news about it. That was it... 15 seconds. How could you only give 15 seconds to these heroes? Are you kidding me? They were too worried about what celebrity got a DUI the day before, what kind of dress Michelle Obama was wearing to some cocktail hour. Don't get me wrong I think Michelle Obama has great fashion but really? 15 seconds?

So I decided to try my luck at google, cnn.com, foxnews.com, yahoo.com, msn.com.... NO LUCK. I could find NOTHING ON IT. I cried. Why on earth is this not BIG NEWS? Why do these families have to suffer the consequences of this war with no spotlight except the fact that their loved ones wouldn't make it home alive? Shouldn't we rally as a country and wrap our arms around these sweet families who are going through hell? The decision of which casket to purchase, what burial plot to pick, a head stone, who would do the service, would they have to worry about protesters? I haven't even discussed the healing emotional, physical, spiritual side of it. Did any of these soldiers have kids? Wives? Husbands? Sisters? Brothers? Best friends? Mothers? Fathers? I want to know about these HEROIC people who died for my freedom. IS THAT too much to ask?!

I have found an amazing website that gives you info on all the soldiers who are killed overseas. I am so glad I found it!

OKAY OKAY RANT OVER FOR NOW.

An ode to a bike

We bought Hinckley a bike when he turned 3.... Almost 2 years ago. He really struggled at pedaling. I think it was because every time he pushed back on the pedals it would put on the brake.

A few of his friends here in NM have bikes so we put Hinks on one the other day to see how he would do. Well, he took off! He loved it and got it! So off to the flea market we went. We bought a bike for $20. Hinckley loved it. LOVED IT! He rode that bike night and day. He washed it like 4 times in the 4 days he had it. Well, tradegy struck when he took the bike down a HUGE hill by the house. Actually, we were truly blessed that it was the bike that broke not him!

So off to the flea market we went again and bought another bike this one I believe was $10 and we kind of mixed and matched the 2 together. He still loves riding it and treats it like his baby!

this was his original bike

He rode for about 2 hours at the park
His newer used bike being operated by Grandpa
Grandpas helper
This is the metal piece that broke off form his old bike
His old bike