A special day to remember

Today is a very special day for our family. More specifically my sweet Hinckley and husband. Today at 4pm Hinckley will graduate from play therapy. I am so incredibly proud of him. We started this journey about 5 months ago... but in reality it started almost 3 years ago! Let me explain...



When Troy left for Iraq nearly 3 years ago I had a feeling I should put my kids and myself in counseling. When he first left we were living with my parents in Tucson but I knew we would be moving in 2 months so I didn't want to start and then uproot to a new counselor. When we arrived in New Mexico it was a whirlwind of getting my feet wet and familiar with the area.

By the time I felt comfortable to explore options we were already attending the hearts apart meetings which were specific for families who have deployed loved ones. I found friendship and love there and kept telling myself we were afloat. We were doing fine... And in reality everything was pretty good. There was one thing that really bothered me that Hinckley started doing the day his daddy left. He wanted to KEEP EVERYTHING! I mean everything! From the straw wrapper to the empty juice box to paper scraps to boxes to ANYTHING! I mean I COULD NOT THROW ANYTHING away. He would remember it and ask me about it later and if I had thrown it away OH THE TEARS! My mom was so kind to let him have a box that was just his to keep this little "trash". I knew this was a manifestation of his daddy being gone I just thought it was a phase that would work itself out. And shortly after Troy came home he stopped hoarding things.

When Troy got home the first few months were good, hard but good. Troy had a lot of transitioning to do and so do the family. The day Troy came home everything of his was in a boxes. I MEAN EVERYTHING was out in the garage. 1. We were living with my parents and even though they have a nice big home I didn't want to clutter it with stuff that wasn't being used. 2. I couldn't stare at his stuff all day long it made me miss him way more. This hurt Troy incredibly... He didn't share with me how bad it had hurt him until 12 or so months after he came home and we were settled in our own home. He felt abandoned from his family and it was a realization that if he were to die that we would move on without him. This bothered him... rightfully so! We definitely had our growing pains when he came back but thankfully we were able to work through each one as a couple.

However, Troy and Hinckley would constantly clash with each other. Troy and Hinckley really struggled with their relationship and one day it all came to a head. Hinckley was upset about something and went in his room. When I entered a few minutes later I noticed his face was red and had claw like marks on it. I asked some questions and realized he had been hitting himself and clawing his face. We hugged and talked about how God wouldn't want us to hurt ourselves and how if we got angry there was other ways of dealing with it. It was then I realized our family needed help. I broke down and cried and prayed for Divine Intervention for our family. That night I researched play therapy counseling in our area that was Christian based and we were lead to the most amazing place. The next day I called and made an intake appointment and within a few days met with a play therapist. She is from Japan and sometimes hard to understand but from the moment we stepped in the place I felt peace. The first meeting was just me, Troy and Kyoko. We discussed what was going on and she decided to take Hinckley as a client. He had his first appointment the following week.

After his first appointment he came out and said, "I just thought I would sit on a couch and talk. But I got to play!" He loved it and couldn't WAIT to go again. Weeks turned into months and every now and again we would meet with Kyoko and see how things were going. She suggested things we could do at home to help and explained things she was doing there. Almost 2 months ago she sat us down and explained that things were not getting better for Hinckley and that we needed a new plan of action to help. It was a fairly new technique in play therapy that they used on kids who had been through EXTREME trauma (rape, seen a murder, etc) it was called EMDR. I was devastated. Up until that point I really felt like I could fix the problem on my own or that it would be fixed by going to counseling. I felt like I had a shift in thinking from that point. We had a REAL problem. It wasn't just my 6 year old struggling with life. He truly NEEDED help. He had been through a huge trauma in his life, something I couldn't fix and something he really truly struggled with on a daily basis. And he wasn't the only one who needed help.  About the time we started EMDR Troy was accepted into the counseling program at UNM (more on that later). As Troy began his classes something changed in him. Troy will be an AMAZING counselor. He has a gift of being able to listen to problems, get to the root of the problem, and find solutions. This program has saved his relationship with his son. It was been so incredible to watch the journey of both them to get to this point in their relationship. It has been hard but rewarding.



About 3-4 weeks ago Hinckley told us he thought he was done with counseling. I was shocked but excited. We were told that he would be the one to tell us he was done. About 2 weeks after that he told his counselor he thought he was done because he came in and said, "I don't know what to play with." A sign that says I am done. Play therapy has been incredible. If you don't know what it is you should google it. There is so much that can be said in the way kids play it is fascinating!

So today marks a special celebration in our house... FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!



There is so much more to this story but I have chosen not to share it because its so personal to our family so here is the skeleton of it. I guess my hopes in sharing something so personal is that maybe you know a family that is struggling or your own family is struggling. Do not be afraid to get help. If you find the right help for you (it may take a couple of different techniques or counselors) it can totally change your life. Today is graduation day from counseling!